Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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