How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
