I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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