Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
