I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
