I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
