Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
