No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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