so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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