I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
