Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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