Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
