Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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