I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
