on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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