i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
