He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
