Already got asked if we're dating
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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