The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
