dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize