After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
