You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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