Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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