I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
