Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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