you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
