it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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