I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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