Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
