For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
