plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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