At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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