So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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