please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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