somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
