He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
