Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
