can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
