Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
