butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
