Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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