This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
