I just threw up on my dentist
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
