I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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