I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
