seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize