Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it wasn't lemon gatorade
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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