oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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