And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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