You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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