yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
