Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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