Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
