She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
