were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
