i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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