turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
