its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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