shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
