i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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