How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
